some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
