He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
