I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
