I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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