I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
