so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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