I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
