I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
