Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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