Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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