It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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