You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
high people should be assigned attendants
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
