I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
