He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
