Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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