you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
