I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
