oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
