Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
