Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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