I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize