he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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