Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
