dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
