i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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