my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
