did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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