Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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