he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
