Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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