you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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