Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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