Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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