I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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