when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
