Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
