I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize