I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
