evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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