just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
