I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
