guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
