I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize