I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize