boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
