omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize