Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
