"it" just moved
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
