I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
