I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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