I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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