Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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