What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Randomize
