The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
