I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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