He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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