First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
