I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
