i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
