On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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