I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
