Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
