if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
