just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
