Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
