I got chris browned last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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