I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
