im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
