I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize