hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
