but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
