I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
