so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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