she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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