go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
