the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize