so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
