I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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