Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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