Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
