I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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