Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
