I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize