you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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