Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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