So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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