i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
