since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
