It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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